Move On
by Maddie's very cool stories.that are cool
Summary: I always thought we had something special, I guess you didn't, you've moved on haven't you?And I know youyou never look back...you'd be perfectly content if I left now and never came back.JAJohn wants tocontinue their relationship but Alex has other ideas
1. Prologue

Author's note: This is only the prologue; the story itself is going to take place after Alex is back in New York City so keep that in mind. Did I mention this is totally a JA story, if you don't like that paring I'm not saying you have to read this but I suggest you do either way. At least give it a chance right?

Disclaimer: I don't own any characters or storylines from law and order SVU I'm just borrowing them for none profit purposes, I do however own this particular storyline.

Prologue:

I remember the day I met her, in those days I couldn't trust her anymore than I can trust any other suspicious stranger. And yet there she was beautiful and confident, and you know I couldn't help it my heart melted as soon as she smiled. Was I already in love? No, but it sure felt like it but past experiences told me to keep away from her.

At first we didn't talk very much, but that's not my fault she was a colleague and out of bounds. Besides which I had enough to deal with at work without chasing after women. She was younger than me yes and anyone in their right mind wouldn't consider loving someone like me who was definitely not aging gracefully, but when you think about all the women I convinced to marry me (and divorce me for that matter) there must have been something about me that women liked. Anyways so the first month we only spoke when the job called for it, and given my paranoia about her motives I didn't plan to change this yet sometimes things change whether we like them to or not.

I guess you could say we connected, paranoid as I was of her I couldn't help but feel attracted to her. But can you blame me really? I mean she was a beautiful woman. _Was_.

I cant tell you how exactly we got together, well I can but that was nothing special one day I just blurted out "Would you like to go on a date sometime?" I felt like I was a teenager again and that she was the popular girl who most certainly wouldn't say yes, but of course she did say yes and things got going from there.

Things started by us going with Elliot, Fin and sometimes 'Liv to the bar, you know casual stuff like that. But it's a good thing we did because I doubt that otherwise we'd have ever gotten to know each other. And I don't say any of that with bitterness, even if we were only together a year she made me happy, I miss her now, of course I do but I'm glad I was with her well I still had the chance because I believe that otherwise I'd be even more bitter and cynical than I am now. I guess she pealed away some layers of bitterness and for that I am forever in her dept.

I remember she'd come every so often after work to the precinct to see me, everyone else would already be gone even Olivia but somehow she always knew when I was staying late to finish up some work that I hadn't done during the day because I'd been slacking off. In she'd come eyes shinning like diamonds and for the first time in my life someone who was genuinely glad to see me. I'm not saying my various wives were never glad to see me but I guess it was just different with her.

Together we always used to make fun of all the officers, judges and lawyers who pissed us off, I guess that sounds a bit childish like something were supposed to do in grade eight and yet it always made us feel better after a tough case…or at least it made me feel better. Who am I kidding? It wasn't making fun of people that made me happy it was her; it was the shape of her chin, the glow in her eyes, the shine in her hair, the sound of her voice, everything she said, every breath she breathed, it was her.

I believe that your true love only comes around once in your life, that you only get one chance, one person and that if you lose them you'll never love again. Alex was that person for me and now that she's gone my chances for love are gone. Dose that sounds stupid coming from me and my shall we say history? Well yesbut in all honesty I believe it. I guess I was always searching for my true love and well got it wrong... a lot.Maybe I'm wrong about her too, maybe she was never meant to be anything to me, and maybe that's why she died so young but this old heart still aches even after time has past. That means I love her doesn't it?

I don't know why humans want to be loved, only fools would seek such pain and I guess in the end that's what I was, a fool. Even after she died I was still in love with her, is there anything wrong with that? Maybe it means I really am crazy because I love a dead woman, but truth be told I wouldn't rid myself of those feelings of love if I could because love despite the pain also gives us a feeling of ecstasy, something that you always want more of and cant bare to lose. I'm not talking about the drug here; I'm talking about the feeling, the feeling of pure happiness that we'd do _anything_ to obtain but rarely do.

Trying to remember her is hard, though I can easily remember every bit of her face I don't want to because it's hard, every time I see her face I see her in a coffin with bugs eating her. That's not something I want to picture for obvious reasons.

The funny thing is I really didn't realize that I was in love until she was gone, I guess in truth she made me feel complete and left a hole behind when she died. I'm not angry at her for leaving me I know it wasn't her choice but I wish that she hadn't been so stubborn then things could have been different. I almost wish I was angry but I can't bring myself to that, which would be far worse than the loneliness I feel now.

Looking back her death was a bit odd, something wasn't right. I think it was pretty obvious when the feds made us burn all our pictures of her, anything really that suggested we knew her had to be destroyed, I wanted to go through her belongings at her apartment but when I used the key she'd given me to get in all I found was an empty room devoid of any items, the bastards had even gone as far as to take down her wallpaper. I added that onto the list of reasons never to trust the government, the feds are always hiding something, this was proof.

Her family members planned a closed casket funeral; I suppose it was easier that way I don't think I could have bared to see her lifeless face. She wasn't like the other victims you read about in the newspaper, she was someone I knew and loved. Though I can't recall every face I saw at her funeral (I assure you there were a lot of people who came) I remember that almost everyone cried. The only two people who didn't were Olivia and Elliot who stood stony faced through the whole thing, I guess they were still a bit numb with shock; after all she died with them. But to be fare I know like everyone who knew her they cried when they saw her face on the newspaper and maybe they were all cried out. I on the other hand was crying like a small child might, sniffing and hiccupping away.

Despite the fact that she was dead a part of me still thought she'd come back, I'd wake up in the mornings expecting to see her sleeping next to me or just waking up herself. Of course she never was, I couldn't even keep a photo of her on my bed-side desk because the feds had burned them all, and I certainly couldn't bring myself to keep the photo of her they posted in the newspaper. Not only were mornings tough but nights too. Before I met her I had never been able to get to sleep quickly but something about being there with her made it easy. After she died sleep came even harder than before, I'd only catch a scarce few hours of shut-eye every now and again.

I had to start using pills to fall asleep, either that or do it the old fashioned way: get drunk as hell. Actually I preferred the old fashion way, give or take every so often I'd awake back at the precinct (or elsewhere) not knowing how the hell I got there but it was better than pills, truthfully I never trusted the damn things anyway even if they did get the job done.

Once I found myself drawn into the mall, I had to get a new suit since I had enough money. I never did buy a suit in fact somehow I found myself in some boutique smelling perfumes. I found the one I was looking for, her favorite the one she always wore. I asked the sales lady how much it was, she smiled and asked if it was for my wife, I said yes, I lied only because I didn't feel like getting into the real reason I was there. The sales lady checked her computer for prices and told me it was 500 dollars, aside from being shocked that's how much money she had spent on perfume I was also about to walk away, after all I still needed to buy a suit. Only I couldn't resist it, I bought it and forgot all about the suit, I left the mall and returned to my apartment.

That night I cradled the little vase of perfume in my hands as I lay in bed, feeling the memories of her comming back to me,and then sleep came easy.

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Author's note: So that's Mr. Prologue for you, the story itself takes place when Alex is back in New York City though obviously the main character here is good old munchkin. I'll update so long as I get enough reviewers telling me to continue, now I want to make this clear from the start, I'm a review whore, I tried to change but no luck, I love reviews pure and simple but if I'm not feeling the love then well I'm not going to update. But please do review, constructive criticism is welcome so that I can improve my writing skills, just as long as it's constructive, and hey I totally dig the praise too so don't shy away on that. Anyways 'tis it for now adieu.


	2. Chapter One

Disclaimer: I dont own Law and Order SVU or any of its characters I'm just borrowing them for none profite purposes.

Author's note: Here's the first real chapter, have fun and dont forget to review lol. I'll only update if I get plenty of reviewers telling me to, yes like most people I like to get reviews, I believe it's quite normal, however this means I'm open to any constructive criticism so long as it's construtive.

I forget exactly how I found out that she was back in New York City, had Olivia told me or had I learned from the newspapers? It's not that the papers specifically said, "Woman comes back from dead" or anything like that no. There was just the occasional mention of her cases, for the newspapers I guess it was like she'd never been dead.

I guess when I found out she was back my initial reaction was confusion, why hadn't she told me? I had been confused enough when she returned to prosecute her killer because obviously only Olivia and Elliot knew she'd been in witness protection. But now this, now she was back, alive, breathing, working, yet not a word to me. So confusion soon enough turned to anger. Obviously I wasn't to be blamed, it was her fault, she was the reason for my anger.

We'd been in love, and maybe after years in witness protection that means nothing to a person. Because sure seems like it meant nothing to her, she was a new person, it was like she'd been re-incarnated, died and born again, but she wasn't the same Alex I'd once known, no that Alex cared about me.

I guess I should have been happy to know she was alive, but all it did was bring me pain, after all the work it took to numb myself to the pain of her death she came back hitting me with a wave of confusion and bitterness. Like anyone in my situation I decided it was best to go see her, because obviously she'd have an excuse for not contacting me and I felt certain once I heard it everything would be better and we could be lovers again.

So I actually left the precinct on time one night after finishing up my paperwork, I figured Alex would still be working though and that I could catch her if I hurried. I arrived at her office but someone who claimed to be her co-worker said she had just left. I sighed slightly annoyed I'd come all that way for nothing. I guess I should have figured she'd been in the parking lot but either way when I saw her struggling to get the keys into her car I was well, surprised.

She didn't look any different really, I guess her hair may have been a bit longer but that was it. She didn't notice me, no reaction whatsoever it was like we'd become complete strangers. For this reason I felt a bit too nervous to talk to her, but of course I called her name before she got into her car. She immediately turned around, I counted three seconds before I saw any reorganization register on her face. She briefly narrowed her eyes before her face became unreadable.

"John?" She asked her voice clear and strong where I'd thought she'd be happy and surprised.

"Yeah."

"Uh hi…"

"Listen…Alex I've only come to know one thing…why didn't you tell me you'd come back?"

Still her face remained unreadable, well more like cold and distant, "Listen Munch I have nothing explain to you, I'm sorry but I have to go now, I'll talk to you another time. Bye."

"Wait, god Alex I came here for some answers that's all, cant I get any?" I questioned, I think I let a little anger come out in my voice if anything I was angry she'd called me Munch, it was like by calling me by my last name instead of my first she'd further distanced herself from me.

"Munch, when I came back to New York City I promised to forget my old life…in fact I promised to forget it the moment I entered witness protection, I'm sorry Munch but I've moved on, you'd be wise to do the same yourself." And with that she got into her car and sped away leaving me alone yet again.

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It was a long time before I saw her again, I pretty much went on the same way I did before she had come back to New York City. I was if anything completely unfazed, I convinced myself that we'd never even had a relationship and that it was stupid to think we did. And maybe we didn't, if you're with someone for a year does that count as a relationship? I guess some people wouldn't think so and in those days I came to agree with them. I guess I figured that was it, all those years of worrying for her were for nothing and I was at long last ready to move on with my life.

I braced myself for the future; I lived with my sorrows as I always had. And so I guess I just started to live my life for the first time in years, I cant say I was happy, because rest assured I was no where near it, yet I was if anything more at peace. But the funny thing about peace is it doesn't tend to last very long, you need war to sustain it. And I wasn't going to give up on Alex without a fight.

Author's note: All right that's chapter one please review or I wont update, because I'll be forced to think no one likes this story, and that would be no good. Also sorry it's taken me a while to update but I've been away at camp for two weeks.


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